Our Top Six Articles in Six Months!

By Suzanne Bird

Why do you read our newsletters? Is it for our practical tips for leaders trying to make workplaces more inclusive? For our insights into Equity, Diversity and Inclusion (EDI)? For our guest blogs based on case studies, research or lived experience? Hopefully you enjoy our newsletters for all of these things!

We aim to help you build your EDI know-how by providing interesting insights or useful information. This is why we include a new article each week, linked to a monthly EDI theme or based on a guest blogger’s unique perspective.

In the first six months of 2023, the six most-read blogs in our newsletters covered a wide range of content, from practical EDI advice to more personal reflections on experiencing bias and a hard-hitting report on the career realities faced by women after having a baby. Here’s a summary of those top six newsletters.  We hope you enjoy the look back, as we move into the second half of the year.

Hitting the target
In May, Rina  posed the question whether EDI targets are a good or a bad thing – and described how to set good targets that are truly effective. Rina suggested that setting targets can be helpful, but only if they are linked to an impactful initiative, providing a useful measure with which to gauge the success of EDI efforts. This is why Rina recommended setting impactful Diversity targets that resonate with the business and are linked to purposeful action.

Following on from this, another highly popular blog from Rina proposed three practical actions that move the needle on EDI and help organisations to hit those targets. It will come as no surprise to you that action number 1 is all about understanding and communicating the business case for EDI, but it’s worth reading on to understand how to tackle this – and the remaining actions!  As Rina suggests, addressing EDI like any other business challenge will yield effective change, but only if the business benefits of greater Diversity are understood and EDI is not treated as an add-on to ‘real’ business issues.

Practical pointers
Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), also known as staff networks, can make a real difference to EDI in organisations and provide vital support for people who aren’t in the dominant group in the workplace. Not all ERGs have the impact they set out to achieve, however, and they can only succeed in this if they function well. In April, EDI consultant Inge Woudstra wrote a guest blog offering five valuable tips to help ERGs get off to a good start – with a clear vision and realistic objectives – and to ensure they continue to thrive and have a positive impact.

Lived experiences
In March, guest blogger Jessica Heagren shared some deeply concerning data with us in her blog about Careers After Babies: The Uncomfortable Truth.  This was the title of a survey conducted last summer with almost a thousand women, prompted in part by Jess’s own experience of how difficult it is to maintain a senior role whilst being a mother of small children. One snapshot of data is that 85% of the surveyed mothers left the full-time workforce within 3 years of having their first child. Jess contends that we cannot keep allowing women to have to abandon their careers, and offers some suggestions for employers wishing to do better by working parents, including signing up to the Careers After Babies accreditation. This blog contains some truly dispiriting statistics, but it also carries a sense of hope for the future of mothers in the workplace and is well worth a second read.

‘Where are you really from?’ This is a question that EDI Consultant Joyce Osei has often been asked, and in her experience as a Black woman, it is rarely a simple question and is often, as she puts it, ‘fully-loaded’. In this blog, Joyce explores the possible reasons why people feel the need to ask this question, and offers three suggestions to consider for a better approach to learning more about someone without putting your curiosity above the level of comfort of another person.

FAQs
Earlier in the year, Rina dedicated one blog to providing a taste of the most frequently asked questions we receive about our approach to working with an organisation. These questions range from the straightforward ‘How can you help us?’ to more nuanced questions about how we see the difference between consulting and training, and how we can measure a client’s progress in building a more equitable, diverse and inclusive workplace. These questions are naturally focused on the support we offer to organisations, but Rina signs off by saying that our job is to get clients to a place where they don’t need us anymore: ‘However we help you, our aim is to partner with you for as long as you need us and to help you progress successfully without the need for further external intervention.’

I hope you’ve enjoyed this round-up of our most-read blogs so far this year. We value your readership and hope that our blogs inspire and enlighten you.  To keep us on the right course, please take a moment to respond to our survey where you can let us know what type of content you prefer.

Modern Masculinity: Raising our sons to be more human

My 14-year-old son rejects everything feminine.

In his steep ascendance towards adulthood, he rejects emotions, cordiality and anything else that isn’t brute strength.  He sees himself as an alpha male whose only currency is power and muscle. He considers tears, overt kindness and expression of emotions to be anti-masculine – and therefore feminine – and sees  them all as weaknesses.

Granted, he’s only 14 and is looking for an identity that is his own and different from that of his parents, but I can’t help but wonder where he gets it from.

A colleague recently sent me a link to a short video entitled Why Men Hate Women.  It was an emotionally-produced, well-researched account of the theory for society’s views of what it means to be a man. The premise is that society teaches men that being masculine means men cannot show feelings, men cannot show tenderness or kindness, men don’t cry and can’t be seen as caring – or behave in any way that could be interpreted as that. These behaviours and emotions are seen as the antithesis to being a man and are lumped together as being feminine.   So, the thinking goes, if men are taught to reject what is characterised as feminine within them, it is likely that they will grow to dislike – even hate – femininity in others.

I listened in recognition of what I had observed for years and have spoken about: this outdated definition of masculinity is at odds with our times and many believe is the reason behind the fact that men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than women.

Society, including parents, gets the blame.  Apparently, the way we talk to our daughters is different from the way we talk to our sons.  While we generally advise girls to share their feelings, we tend to tell boys to subdue them with statements like ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘be strong’.  We encourage our daughters to search and identify their feelings while our sons may not get the same encouragement.

I of course know all this and am carefully watching how I raise my son and daughter.  But even when I’m consciously trying to ensure my son acknowledges and talks about his feelings, I find fewer opportunities to speak to him in the same way as I do with my daughter.  It’s easier, as a mother, to relate to a daughter than a son and to create emotional bonding moments, but that’s no excuse.  Whether it’s because he’s a teenager or because society got to him first, this is something that concerns me.  Not only do I want to raise a boy who is sensitive, emotionally-intelligent and respectful of women, I want to ensure my son grows into a mentally (and physically) healthy and happy man.

I’m reminded of Philippa Perry’s recent book cleverly entitled The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and your children will be glad that you did). It’s a fascinating and necessary read for all – whether you have children or not – but even the title is encouragement enough to break the cycle.  We don’t always know how to do right by our children because we tend to repeat the patterns that were programmed into us by our parents and our surroundings.  What we can do, however, is recognise that some of these pattern are no longer compatible with our lives and try to correct them.  We need to raise our boys differently.

So let’s do this together.  Whether you pick up Philippa Perry’s book or talk more to your son about this, let’s encourage our young men to get comfortable with expressing pain and other emotion.  Let’s not punish them with words or behaviours for showing characteristics that might traditionally be considered as female.  Let’s ask fathers to get more involved and share stories with their sons that acknowledge and demonstrate feelings.

We need to become more aware of language and demeanour that perpetuates the antiquated idea of masculinity.   In that way, we will be able to raise our sons to be more human.

How to enlist men as ‘agents of change’ for gender equality

Emma Watson addressed the United Nations in 2014, urging men to join the feminist movement; Barak Obama supported the cause when he proclaimed he was a feminist. Many companies recognise “men as allies” as a critical component of their diversity and inclusion efforts. And yet, support by men for gender equality is waning. Particularly in companies.

According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report, “[a]lthough company commitment to gender parity is at an all-time high, companies do not consistently put their commitment into practise and many employees are not on board. ” This is supported by research. A 2014 Pershing Harris poll found that younger men were less open to accepting women leaders than older men and a 2014 Harvard Business School (HBS) survey of MBA graduates showed that three-quarters of millennial women anticipated their career would be at least as important as their partners, while half of the men expected their own careers to take priority. Likewise, less than 50% of the women MBA graduates believed they would handle most of the child care, while two-thirds of their male peers believed their wives would do so.

The privilege of invisibility

Why, I ask myself, does this gap in perceptions exist and how do we bridge it?

One reason is the so-called ‘privilege of invisibility’.  Michael Kimmel – eminent sociologist and high-profile women’s rights campaigner – explains that because people in power set the norm, they fail to see the privilege this bestows on them. An example of this is race. A white woman looking in the mirror sees a woman; a black woman looking in the mirror sees a black woman. Because ‘white’ is set as the norm by white people, white people don’t understand that other people’s skin colour impacts on many aspects of their lives. Their own skin colour is invisible to them. Similarly, because men think of gender as ‘women’, they do not see its relevance to them and don’t engage with gender equality; they see it as a “women’s agenda” – with little benefit to them.

Societal norms and expectations

There are also societal norms at work. Attitudes rooted in the 1970s predispose men to reject characteristics associated with femininity and define success as wealth, power and status. Men are supposed to be strong in a crisis, take risks and be daring and aggressive to others. Think Axe from the TV series Billions.

Although much of the above is still the benchmark for masculinity, we know that men are moving away from the stereotype and want to embrace some typically-feminine freedoms. They want to spend more time with their children, show feelings beyond the limited repertoire of lust and rage and enjoy life outside the office.

However, most boys are penalised for displaying emotions and are considered ‘weak’ if they are seen in any way as ‘feminine’. They are encouraged to be brave, ambitious and powerful and suppress individualistic urges to express oneself. This type of restrictive behaviour has been linked to an increase in suicide rates in men and underachievement at school for boys.

Compare this to the ideal of sharing responsibilities at home and at work, seeing girls and women as equals, allowing oneself to choose between career paths and redefining success for oneself. Wouldn’t that liberate men from the shackles of societal expectations?

So how do we engage men?

In a sense, men are right when they say gender equality is all about women. What I mean is that, while focusing on equalising the playing field for women, we have neglected men’s voices, concerns and horror stories. There has been a lack of interest in listening to men talk about their experiences and to delve deeper into what they truly think, need or want.

My suggestions, therefore, is to start with an open and honest, non-judgmental conversation that is based on a foundation of support for each other. We need to understand how gender stereotypes disadvantage men and give men a platform to be more than what society expects of them. After all, inclusion is about giving every individual space and freedom to be themselves. In that spirit, perhaps engaging men as change agents for women’s equality is as much about engaging women in understanding the restrictions and stereotypes that society places on men.

The meaning of RESPECT!

By now, most of us will have seen Oprah Winfrey’s rousing speech at the Golden Globes. What a way to start 2018, as she reminded us that our truth is the most powerful tool we all have. At Voice At The Table, where our focus in on all things Diversity and Inclusion, we’ve been talking about what this means to us in the workplace – and we think it’s all about respectfor ourselves and for others. It means having the courage to stand up for ourselves, and what we believe in. Really living our values.

Carrie Gracie’s decision to resign as BBC’s China editor is a great example of this.  Despite being offered a £45,000 payrise, she just wasn’t willing to collude with a policy of ‘unlawful pay discrimination’.  Hats off to her.
When’s the last time you spoke ‘your truth’?

In our last Voice Circles of the year, Emma Codd, Managing Partner for Talent at Deloitte UK, talked about their Inclusion journey and the decision to focus on respect for others and on the value they can bring.  Deloitte produced this inspirational video, challenging us all to question our assumptions and look beyond our biases.  It’s our personal responsibility to treat others with respect.

So our word for 2018 is RESPECT and we’ll be working hard to help our individual and corporate clients challenge themselves and others to appreciate and celebrate the contribution we all make and to respect one another, no matter how different.

My top 3 positive developments for women that took place in 2016

Reading an article on the Telegraph website about the amazing things that happened this year, I took their poll on whether I thought 2016 was the worst year in recent history.  I wasn’t at all surprised to see that, like me, 73% of those who took the poll thought that yes, 2016 was indeed the worst year in recent history.

So I thought some reflection might be appropriate.  What is it that made the year so bad?  And, more importantly, what are some of the highlights that I’d care to remember?  Having reflected on the many things that happened, here is my list of the top 3 things that progressed gender equality in 2016:

  1. Hillary Clinton was the first woman to win a major political party’s nomination to run for President of the United States. We all know how this contest ended; suffice it to say, Clinton made history not only by running but also by winning the popular vote by at least 2,000,000.
  2. The crackdown has begun on unrealistic beauty standards held up as the norm for women:
    • Award-Winning Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (famed also for her TED Talk “We Should All Be Feminists”) will be the face of Boots’ makeup brand No.7! Who says feminist women can’t wear make-up?
    • Sadiq Khan, the mayor of London, took a stand against the fashion industry by pledging to remove all ads from the Underground that pressure people to conform to unhealthy or unrealistic body standards. Finally, some political might wielded in the right direction.
    • A number of big brands such as Victoria Secret and Aerie have suspended their affinity with photoshop, showing models and actresses as they appear in real life instead of video games. Bravo!
    • Celebrities take a stance on fashion norms: Alicia Keys declared she won’t wear make-up on her face (as did Hillary Clinton after the election), and Rihanna took a stand against high heels (so bad for your feet!) by winning this year’s Shoe of the Year award for her collaboration with Puma in designing a fashionable alternative to heels.
  3. Male Gender Diversity Champion and Canadian PM Justin Trudeau has impressed us in 2015 by appointing a gender-balanced cabinet and further solidified his status as a feminist when he spoke at a UN conference in March by saying “It’s simply saying that I believe in the equality of men and women and that we still have an awful lot of work to do to get there.” The best part: Trudeau talks the talk AND walks the walk of a feminist.  Case in point: he became a He For She ambassador and launched an inquiry into Canada’s thousands of missing and murdered indigenous women earlier this year.

These are just my top 3, but a short google search will unveil many more ‘greats’ that took place this year, helping restore hope and equilibrium.

What were your personal highlights in 2016?