It’s time to confess.

It’s National Inclusion Week so I ask myself, am I really inclusive?

To me, being inclusive means first and foremost to welcome and to value that which is different; to appreciate those who look or sound different as enrichment; to know that a new or different person or experience does not pose a threat to my value system.

So am I inclusive?

It’s hard to be inclusive.  Our natural instincts tell us to stick to what we know.  We love our repeat patterns, our experienced learnings, the familiar.  Our primitive brain (the emotional one) steers us towards the familiar and guards us against the unfamiliar.  It constantly alerts us “Watch out!  They look suspicious! We don’t know their type! They are not like us and therefore unpredictable!” It’s hard for our thinking brain (the neocortex) to override our fearing, second-guessing, reluctant brain.  And most of that prodding happens subconsciously – how are we meant to confront that?

For me, inclusion is not about ignoring the impulsive, instantaneous brain – that’s simply impossible to achieve.  It’s about understanding that we are being guided by the under-informed, hasty part of our brain and knowing how to question its urging.

This, I know we I can do.

In an effort to make it a little easier for myself and for others to be more inclusive, I have broken down inclusion to 8 inclusive behaviours.  Most of these 8 behaviours are self-explanatory and when you see them you’ll say That makes sense. The challenge is to improve in each of these behaviours, to fine-tune its application and to keep doing that for the rest of our lives.

Let me give you a flavour of what I mean by looking at Empathy and Listening – 2 of the 8 inclusive behaviours.

  1. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to step into another person’s shoes, so to speak, to try to understand what they might be experiencing.  What does it feel like to be asked Where are you from? each time you meet a new person just because you look different from most of those around you?  What is it like to constantly hide the fact that your husband or wife is of the same sex as you?  What is it like to be watched by the security guard every time you enter a store because you’re black?

To understand that, we need to develop our empathy ‘muscle’.  We start by second-guessing our natural reactions.  For instance, when you pass someone you’ve met a couple of times in a social setting and they completely ignore you, our immediate thought is they don’t remember you.  But if you give it some thought, you might reach a different conclusion. It could be that they can’t see well without their glasses, or that they’re deep in thought about something and simply didn’t register you.  Imagine yourself in that situation, have you ever been ‘accused’ of not seeing someone who was almost literally in front of you?  What are you like sometimes when you’re walking along?  Do you notice everything and everyone?  If not, why not?  Purposely putting yourself in their shoes makes it easier to see more reasons for their behaviour and easier to understand them. It’s a practiced ritual that, when done in simple everyday encounters eventually extends to situations which are more difficult to understand, like ‘white privilege’.

  1. Listening

Listening in this context means more than just hearing.  Listening is about giving someone the opportunity to present their perspective and acknowledging that perspective as someone else’s rightful view.  In this day and age, we are so ingrained in our opinions about everything.  Instead of listening, we tend to want to persuade and, if that fails, we go on the attack.  Social media is full of voices that attempt to drown out other voices.

To listen in order to be more inclusive means acknowledging the fact that another’s viewpoint might have merit, and acknowledging it to them, even if we disagree.  “I hear what you’re saying and I can see where you’re coming from…” even if it might then be qualified with a “but”.  Practising this with our friends, family members and colleagues who are like us will make it easier to do with people who are unlike us.

The world has moved on.  Like it or not, we can’t stand still.  We need to break down our old patterns of interaction, be it at home or at work.  Becoming more inclusive is about practising to do so with intent in any situation.  We need to train our brains to be more discerning and not just follow ingrained patterns.  We need to bring some of the unconscious thought processes into the conscious so that we can unravel them and reform new, more complex patterns of behaviours and attitudes.

This, to me, is what being inclusive is all about.  With this in mind, I can breathe a sigh of relief and declare that I am more inclusive now than I was even a year ago.

Can you do the same?

To find out more about our 8 Inclusive Behaviours, contact Rina.

10 Tips to Beat the Winter Blues: Tip Number Five

RECONNECT WITH A LOVED ONE

Creación_de_Adán_(Miguel_Ángel)

Recently I was inspired to share 10 tips on how our surroundings might help improve our mood and outlook.  To read more about what inspired me, see my post on LinkedIn Pulse HERE.

My FIRST TIP was about losing your mind in the present.  My SECOND was about letting someone else guide you for a day.  My THIRD ONE encourages you to try something new or something that you haven’t done for a long time, and the FOURTH TIP is about greeting someone you don’t know.

Today’s tip is reconnecting with a loved one.

If you’re anything like me, your life is so busy with work and family that it’s easy to forget you have a partner or children that need more than logistical commands and instructions once in a while.   It’s easy to take certain people for granted and sometimes they may not get the attention and treatment that they deserve.

If you can relate, I recommend making it part of your plan over the holidays to set aside some time for your loved ones.  This could be in the form of a dinner date with your partner, or a night away together.  It could be going to the cinema with one of your children and chat afterwards about the film.  You could take the kids swimming or bowling or simply to their favourite haunt or restaurant, taking the time to engage them in conversation.

Find out from your loved one what has been on their mind recently – school, work, their parents or siblings. How are their dance classes coming along, or who is the most popular kid in class.  What’s the work situation with your partner – who has been supportive and who hasn’t.  Of course you have these conversations daily or, at least, regularly.  But do you actually listen to their replies and engage with them?  If you’re like me, you’ll be guilty of at least once in a while not being as attentive to them as we should be.

So if you can, take the time for that someone who loves you and remind yourself of how and why you loved them in the first place.

Next tip: Find Inspiration.