Rainbows, unicorns and the science of positive thinking*

unicorn2*Guest Blog By Kathryn Porter

I’m sure most people can remember the brain training craze that was everywhere a few years ago. You could hardly settle down to watch a good murder on the television before being bombarded with adverts for various devices that would help you boost your cognitive powers, with claims of improving memory, mental reflexes and even creativity.

In fact the evidence to support the claims of those adverts is limited, and it’s unclear whether brain training games specifically provide any benefit beyond improving at the specific game. However there is good evidence that there are activities which produce measurable changes in our brains. The most famous study was carried out by Eleanor Maguire, a neuroscientist at University College London. She studied London taxi drivers and found that an area of the brain called the posterior hippocampus was enlarged versus not just the general population, but also when compared with bus drivers and regular drivers.

The study followed a group of trainee cabbies over a four-year period, at the start of which all participants had broadly similar hippocampi, which indicates that the shape of the cabbies’ brains developed during their time driving taxis and was not because people with large hippocampi were somehow pre-disposed to becoming taxi drivers. Other studies have shown that musicians and bilinguals also display brain plasticity in areas relevant to those activities.

The idea that acquiring a new skill can literally change the size and shape of your brain (or at least specific parts of your brain) has to be good news. It suggests that through conscious effort we can adapt ourselves to tackle the challenges we face in our daily lives and careers, and that change is absolutely possible. But as with breaking or forming any habit, it requires practice!

There are numerous benefits that have been associated with having a positive mental attitude, in relation to general health and stress management, and treatments such as cognitive behavioural therapy are showing growing evidence of success across a range of physical as well as mental health conditions. Positive thinking has also been linked with improved cognitive performance. A study by Richard L. Metzger et al published in 2006 in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that the performance of “worriers” was worse than that of “non-worriers” in a set of tasks, and that “non-worriers” also performed worse when instructed to worry prior to completing the tasks.

Some of us are natural optimists (the “non-worriers” in the Metzger study) while others have a more pessimistic outlook. There is a misconception that optimists have their heads in the sand, wilfully ignoring anything that isn’t filled with rainbows and unicorns, but this isn’t really true…optimists are people who, while acknowledging bad outcomes, refuse to dwell on them, and instead focus their energies on achieving better outcomes.

Positivity is something that can be learned. Google “positive thinking” and there are literally dozens of blogs and articles with tip lists of varying lengths, all designed to promote positivity, some of which could leave the most optimistic of us grinding our teeth with cynicism! However, there are some (five, for those who like lists!) fairly straightforward and achievable steps to developing a positive outlook.

The first step is to banish negativity – be on the lookout for negative thinking and particularly negative language in our internal dialogues. If the voice in your head is telling you something is too difficult, complicated, won’t work, etc then stop! Consciously put those thoughts to one side and replace the negative narrative with something more positive. Sure, the thing may be challenging, but it’s an opportunity to learn something new, foster collaboration or develop a new approach. Success is rarely guaranteed, but framing a challenge in a positive way can be highly energising…even that really boring task you absolutely hate doing has the benefit that once it’s done you’ll feel better for not having it hanging over you.

Banishing negativity also extends to those around you…try to surround yourself with positive, supportive people, who will reinforce your efforts. It’s easy to be derailed by people who say “why bother, its likely to fail”. If you can’t avoid being with a negative person, because they’re a close relative or colleague, you can still take control of their impact on you. You might ask them not to make negative comments, explaining their effect on you, or you could simply practice ignoring their pessimism….their comments are just a bunch of sound waves, compressions in the air that make your eardrums wiggle, and nothing more, if that’s what you choose.

Be open to humour, and find opportunities to laugh, as laughter is a great way of lifting your mood and banishing stress and negativity. Find something that appeals to you, save some links and take time out from negative situations to visit them.

Widen your horizons by taking up a hobby, developing a new skill, or taking part in new social activities. Variety really is the spice of life, and having interests other than work and home provides a kind of psychological diversification…things may be going badly in one sphere of life but it’s unlikely that things are challenging in every sphere, providing an escape hatch from difficult situations.

And be healthy…taking care of yourself by exercising regularly, eating sensibly and getting enough sleep, contributes to feeling good and being positive. Meditation, yoga and mindfulness techniques can help foster a sense of physical and mental well-being providing the best backdrop for positive thinking.

Positive thinking will not prevent bad things from happening, nor should it be a means of ignoring potential challenges or disruptions, but there is a big difference between sensible contingency planning and living life under the assumption that each situation will have a bad outcome. Positive thinking means that when those challenges arise, you will be able to focus your energy on how things can be improved, and in the meantime, we can enjoy the unicorns!

Kathryn Porter has spent her career in the finance and energy sectors, and mentors women working in traditionally male roles. She usually writes about the energy industry on her blog www.watt-logic.com.

7 ways in which you can change your corporate culture

changing-of-the-guard-1239423There’s a lot of talk these days about inclusive cultures, stepping away from “command and control” type leadership towards a more collaborative style and bringing your whole self to work.  These are great aspiration which many of the forward-thinking CEOs try to embrace and instil.  But how do you translate these aspirations into the daily routine? How do team leaders and managers think about changing their long-practiced and squarely embedded style of leadership when they also have KPIs to achieve, sales to deliver and are not permitted to make mistakes or fail.  And for what?  After all – so they believe – their style works!  They continue to deliver results and be rewarded for them! Why change?

The case for the shift in management style from one that leads from the top to one that’s more inclusive is well made.  I don’t need to recite the plentiful HBR and other literature claiming that those companies that do not embrace this shift might no longer be able to compete with those that do.  But what can you – the individual – do to contribute to this change?  How can you go from conforming to becoming a change agent?  To start with, you can do one or more of the following 7 things:

Start with yourself

If you have decided to make a difference at work by embracing change and facilitating it, ask yourself: “Do I need to change my own habits and thinking?”  Chances are, you do!  Start by learning about yourself, becoming more self-aware, figuring out your own blind spots, your own unconscious bias.  Challenge your decisions and the way you make them.  Observe: Who are your friends at work?  Are they all ‘flock of a feather’? Do you encourage others to speak their mind and shine?  How do you react to a different point of view? Do you dismiss it outright or see it as a valuable contribution?  Once you’ve started changing some of your own preconceived notions, you can start asking others to change theirs – but not before.

Be a Rebel

Standing up for something you believe in is tough when tradition and status quo are not aligned with your belief.  But taking a stance for something you believe is right and can bring positive change can be liberating and empowering.  Can you see yourself saying out loud “Today, we are going to do things differently!” or “Let me try something new.” Or “Have you thought about doing it this way instead?”.  Test your resilience by giving it a try and take a stance for a change in culture – however small it might be.  Start with something like going out for lunch instead of eating at your desk (again!), or insisting in a meeting to hear from those who tend not to speak (be careful how you insist as not everyone likes to be put on the spot!), or maybe you can simply turn to someone who you know will disagree with you and say “What do you think?”

Start the conversation

Making the case for a change in which you believe is challenging and rewarding at once and might set wheels in motion towards a bigger change.  When I wanted to start a conversation within my company on a particular subject, I organised an internal lunch event around a TED talk video of someone who said what I was thinking but in a much more eloquent and entertaining way.  After the talk, we continued the conversation in the group to solicit the views of others on the topic, and I was able to voice my thoughts by navigating and facilitating the discussion.

Be an Intrapreneur

Facilitating change by breaking down fixed structures is difficult unless you think and act like an entrepreneur.  You could, for example, propose to tackle a business problem (a small one) by encouraging a brainstorming session with those who wouldn’t typically be asked to engage with the problem.  You’ll be amazed what ideas come out of this thinking session.  The next step is to then present these ideas to your manager and ask whether any of them have legs and, if so, whether you could be given an opportunity to implement the best one or two ideas, on an experimental basis.  Your show of initiative and entrepreneurial thinking would not go unnoticed, not to mention you would have an opportunity to show the company the value of being flexible and open-minded to change.

Be the lone voice

How often do you hear people disagree with the most senior person in the room?  How good do you think that is for business?  Done properly, the person in the room who adds a different perspective to the discussion is the person adding value.  After all, what is the point of 5 or 6 (or more) brains in a room when they all think alike?  If they all say and think the same thing, why not just pay one of them instead?  But those who dare to look at the situation differently or from the view of a different stakeholder are the ones that improve decisions by making them more thoroughly considered, even if that does mean being the first person in the room to say so.

Be a disruptor

Coming up with ideas, changing old-fashioned structures and bringing original products and services to the consumer is what disruptors are credited with.  Facebook, Uber, Airbnb, Crowdfunder, Money.Net, Vintu, Kensho – these are only a few of the companies that have changed the way we do business.  They have all embraced change and used it to their advantage.  Can you be a disruptor at work?  You’ll need to take an existing concept, find its underlying assumptions and reverse them to find out how you can disrupt and innovate.

Come to ‘Changing The Playing Field’ conference

On 8 July 2016 we will be hosting our flagship conference focusing on how corporate norms, culture and leadership are changing, how these changes create opportunities for professional women (and men) and how you can become an agent of this change.  We will be talking about values-driven corporate norms, collaboration and vulnerability, how to leverage gender-related differences for business success, and how to transform meetings and corporate culture to being more inclusive, agile and transparent.  Join the conversation with us and BE THE VOICE YOU WANT TO HEAR!

Is It OK for Men to Cry? I think so!

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Those of you who know me will know that I tend to post about women; my passion is building women’s confidence to step up and to find their own voices.

Recently, however, I read an article about men which made me think and inspired this post.

I read in that article that there are courses in American Universities (and probably also UK ones) that teach us about men!  I’ve heard of Women’s Studies but I had never heard of courses on masculinity.  This intrigued me – what on earth could they be teaching in those classes?  After all, that’s what History is about, isn’t it? Well, maybe not.

The article talked about how men are taught from a very young age to suppress their emotions and that the only emotions that are acceptable for a man to express are those of anger.  True, I have met many (a lot!) of men who were/are uncomfortable with any display of emotion, from tenderness to tears to affinity towards other men or women.    Men who show their emotional side tend to be  judged by other men – AND WOMEN – as unmanly, weak, under the thumb, etc.  In fact, it takes an incredibly confident man – a man comfortable with his own masculinity – to show that he has an emotional (or feminine) side.

Why does this matter?

A recent report on the gender gap in education in America made this observation:

“Boys’ underperformance in school has more to do with society’s norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones or brain structure. In fact, boys involved in extracurricular cultural activities such as music, art, drama and foreign languages report higher levels of school engagement and get better grades than other boys. But these cultural activities are often denigrated as un-masculine by preadolescent and adolescent boys.”

Throughout elementary school and beyond, they write, girls consistently show “higher social and behavioral skills,” which translate into “higher rates of cognitive learning” and “higher levels of academic investment.”[1]

In fact, research shows that boys do develop deep and meaningful relationships and are honest and open with their emotions – I’m sure that any mother of boys (myself included) would attest to this.  But around the age of 15 or so, society teaches them to lose this vulnerability.  Young men, therefore, end up exposing their feelings and emotions only in intimate romantic relationships rather than, and unlike women, also with friends and colleagues.  This dearth of space to express deep emotion is also thought to be one of the reasons for university campus violence towards women and is also reflected in the higher suicide statistics of men vs women.  Alarmingly, male suicide rates are reported to be 3 times higher than those of women.[2]  Similarly, alcoholism and substance abuse is twice as common in men than women, contributing to the higher suicide rate of men between the ages of 15 and 44.[3]  The problem appears to be that men are often put off from seeking the requisite support because they’re embarrassed and don’t want to appear helpless, weak or dependent, often hoping that the problem will simply go away – but often it doesn’t.

So why is it so difficult for society to accept men as vulnerable beings?

Last night I watched a film about the friendship of two (heterosexual!) men who weren’t afraid to show emotions to each other; who would say things to each other that I have only heard women share or a man say to a woman in a romantic relationship.  These men showed how they felt about each other, how they felt about others, were not afraid to shed a tear in front of each other and in general be highly emotional beings.  I must confess, it felt a bit odd at first, as if I was watching a private scene that wasn’t meant to be observed by others.  But then I asked myself the question:  why?  Why can’t men be allowed to be more than just steely?  Why are they not allowed to say “I love you, man!” to each other or cry or make empathetic gestures and noises when others share their feelings with them?  Wouldn’t the world be a better place to live in if they were?

How do we fix this?

Dr. Michael Kimmel, a renowned expert on men and masculinity, the author of a number of books on the subject, including “Angry White Men”, and a professor of sociology in America (recently called “the world’s most prominent male feminist” in The Guardian) offers one solution:

Raising our young boys to be mature, sensitive, responsible men is not nearly as difficult as you might think. …[it’s easy] if nurturing and loving and caring is something that both mothers and fathers do around the house. If they see their mother and their father doing this…the one thing you can always count on is every little boy thinks that his father is a real man. So they will grow up to think that nurturing and loving and caring is something that grownups do. And when those little boys get to be grownups, they’ll be nurturing and loving and caring, too, because that’s what real men do. So it’s actually a real opportunity through fathering that men can be raising a new generation of boys.[4]

Can you do this?

Next time you come across a man who shows a bit of emotion, stop before you speak, check your unconscious bias and react in a way that you might do if a woman showed that much emotion.  Just to be sure: I don’t mean tell him ‘Don’t be so emotional!’ or ‘Stop those tears!’ as you might say to a woman; I mean that you could acknowledge the emotions by saying “I sense you’re frightened/angry/stressed/feeling overwhelmed/feeling something else… and that’s alright!”

For those of us who are raising boys, we really do need to heed Michael Kimmel’s advice and ensure that we raise the kind of boys that we would like to stand alongside our daughters and be capable of supporting them and others as solid, caring human beings.

WILL YOU DO THIS?

 

[1] http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/education/edlife/teaching-men-to-be-emotionally-honest.html?_r=0

[2] http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/feb/18/male-suicides-three-times-women-samaritans-bristol

[3] http://www.abc.net.au/health/features/stories/2013/06/13/3781044.htm

[4] http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/interv/kimmel.html

Guest Blog: Stop Making Excuses!*

28-09-2011

*Written for Voice At The Table by Amanda Cullen

Do you ever make an excuse? Of course! We all do.

Perhaps our boss wants information that we don’t have to hand, so we invent a reason why the data isn’t available. Or a colleague wants help on a project that we don’t rate, so we blame lack of time for failing to engage. Or at home our partner asks us to do something we don’t want to, so we invent an excuse for why it’s not possible.

Why do we make excuses?

Here are some reasons we make excuses:

Laziness – can’t be bothered to….

Fear – too scared to…

Preparation needed – not ready to…

Anger or irritation – don’t want to…

Time – too busy to…

Wrong demand – not right to…

Now some of these may be entirely valid. For example if you are asked at work to do something beyond your level of experience and skill, it may be absolutely right to say no, on the basis of “not ready to”. Or if you are juggling career, relationship, family, housework and social life, and then your son or daughter’s school demands that you give up your time to make model space rockets, costumes, cakes or whatever else is “critical” this week, you may very well be “too busy to” do it.

The trick is to know when (and how) to say a valid “yes” or “no” – and mean it.

If you feel that from time to time you make excuses that disappoint others (and maybe yourself), what can you do?

Every time you want to make “an excuse”, get really clear on your reason.

If you have a genuine reason to decline a request then say so. Don’t beat about the bush and don’t be apologetic.

If you are under-equipped to do something, say so. If you are too busy, say so. If you think it is wrong, say so.

If you are making an excuse to avoid something because you can’t be bothered, ask yourself why?

Are you tired and need a rest or a break? If so, be honest.

Are you just disinterested in the issue at hand and that’s why you don’t want to make the effort? If so would it make someone you care about happy for you to be involved, and does that make it worth the effort? What’s the consequence of not doing it?

Make your decision in the full knowledge of why you are making it, and then be clear about communicating it.

If you are avoiding something through fear, then this is a tough one. Ask yourself what you will gain by not doing it. And what will you gain by doing it? And what will you lose by not doing it? And lose by doing it?

If you decide not to do it, then don’t make an excuse. Explain that you don’t feel able to do it and if possible why not. Perhaps offer to do something else instead, or suggest someone else who might be better suited.

So next time an excuse is on the tip of your tongue, STOP! Take a moment to ask yourself whether the right answer for you is YES. If not, be clear why you are saying NO. People may not like it, but they will respect you for it.

 

In the wake of IWD2016 – what are we really saying?

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Last week’s international woman’s day seems to have been the most popular we’ve had in a long time. Every company, organisation and network seems to have put on a celebration or event to mark the occasion.  Much has been written about it and pledges have been undertaken to change the balance between men and women at work and in the economy.

But what strikes me most of all is how much talk there is about women being the solution for the upcoming future. By this I mean that there is much research and insight to point to the fact that organisations that don’t take gender balance seriously are said to be walking on thin ice; organisations that are refusing to change will see others who will be prepared for the future pass them by.  In other words, it is no longer the right thing to do or the nice thing to do for your business; ensuring that teams work on inclusive insights and that our leaders either possess many feminine leadership traits or are indeed women with those traits now appears to be a strategic priority.

Much is written directly about the influence and the impact of feminine leadership on business in the future.  Take for example John Gerzema’s and Michael D’Antonio book “The Athena Doctrine”, which is based on research and surveys of 64,000 individuals.  Published in 2013, the authors show that innovation and creativity can only be driven if one embraces feminine traits and values.  Having tried hard to resist talking in terms of gender, John and Michael succumbed to the overwhelming evidence that makes a strong case in favour of gender balance.  The book makes it clear that the different way men and women think and behave (in general) cannot be disregarded and that society’s values are changing to reflect those that are traditionally female.  John and Michael talk about a new operating system that includes as many feminine traits as it does masculine.

Much is also written about the leadership styles of the future that – although not directly referencing feminine traits, talks about them as central to the success of any future business.  Take for example the fact that millennials today don’t want to work for companies the sole mission of which is to increase shareholder returns.  They care about the world as much as they do about their jobs. They no longer want to perform a task that contributes only to lining their own pockets.  They care about legacy; they care about the environment; they care about social solutions to existing problems, all of which requires a different type of thinking. So what we read and hear about is how to work in teams and collaborate; how big decisions should bubble up from the surface rather than being pushed down from the top; we read about motivating and encouraging each other to perform the best we can and about valuing the differences that we each bring as individuals in the name of creativity and innovation.  Name them as such or not, these are the so-called ‘feminine’ traits:  collaboration, motivation, valuing others’ point of view, supporting each other and nurturing – these are the things that women tend to do more naturally than men.  And now it seems that these behaviours are becoming a central point of a successful business; they are no longer the ‘nice to have’s’ for a pleasant working culture; they are the central machination of a successful working team.  A company that embraces these traits and values is more likely to succeed in the future than one that doesn’t.

But it is not just the survival of a business that makes this new operating system so relevant.  This operating system also allows companies to utilise these attitudes as a competitive advantage.  Creativity, innovation and diversity of thought are the cornerstones of ideas that lead to the discovery of new markets, the design of new products and the launch of new services.  This new operating system allows companies to experience the world in a way that their customers might do and they might not.  Once we learn to experience our surroundings from the point of view of another we start seeing things and solutions that weren’t apparent before.  This new mindset that opens our eyes to things we haven’t seen before is what’s going to make the difference between the company that survives and the company that thrives.

I have always believed in gender diversity – in its very basic form – diversity of thought and the value of the individual as a strategic priority for any business.  It now seems that those who share my views are becoming more outspoken.  If you are a business that wants to see itself thrive in the future then I suggest you start listening to those outspoken voices.

Rina Goldenberg Lynch

10 Tips to Beat the Winter Blues: Tip Number Seven

GO TO BED EARLY

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Recently I was inspired to share 10 tips on how our surroundings might help improve our mood and outlook. To read more about what inspired me, see my post on LinkedIn Pulse HERE.

My FIRST TIP was about losing your mind in the present.  My SECOND was about letting someone else guide you for a day.  My THIRD one encourages you to try something new or something that you haven’t done for a long time, and the FOURTH TIP is about greeting someone you don’t know.  The FIFTH was to reconnect with a loved one and my SIXTH TIP was to find inspiration.

Today I’d like to recommend that you go to bed early.

There’s much talk about the benefits of ample sleep – anywhere between 7 to 9 hours seems to be the recommended amount.  The benefits seem to extend to weight loss, improved memory and other cognitive brain functions, immunity to depression and even boast long-term effects such as protection from heart disease and other degenerative illnesses.

The benefits I’d like to talk about is having the peace and quiet before bedtime to curl up with your favourite book, or your iPad to catch up with your favourite show on BBC iPlayer, or play WordsWithFriends online.  While some of the suggested activities might not be best in other ways, what you do gain from the extra time on your own in the comfort of your cozy bed is some ‘me’ time that relaxes the body and mind!

Having some quiet time to yourself at the end of a busy day might be difficult to achieve, so if you make it a point to head upstairs (or down the hallway) to your bedroom before your partner joins you – or before you usually head to bed – you can reclaim some precious time for yourself that calms and prepare you for a good night’s sleep.

Good for the body; good for the soul!

Next tip: Find some ‘me’ time.

10 Tips to Beat the Winter Blues: Tip Number Six

FIND INSPIRATION

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Recently I was inspired to share 10 tips on how our surroundings might help improve our mood and outlook. To read more about what inspired me, see my post on LinkedIn Pulse HERE.

My FIRST TIP was about losing your mind in the present.  My SECOND was about letting someone else guide you for a day.  My THIRD ONE encourages you to try something new or something that you haven’t done for a long time, and the FOURTH TIP is about greeting someone you don’t know.  Tip FIVE was to reconnect with a loved one.

Today’s tip is to find inspiration.

Inspiration: the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

The feeling of being inspired is fulfilling and – dare I say it – addictive.  It makes one feel energetic, young, insightful, part of something secret, something that most others can’t see or feel.  Being inspired is a magical feeling.

But how does one find inspiration?  Everyone is inspired in different ways.  I, for instance, get energy and ideas from beautiful surroundings – natural sunlight, undulating hills, sparkling seas, wild flowers, green landscapes, fluffy clouds, to name but a few of my favourite sights.  I also find people’s ideas inspirational – brave accomplishments, innovative thoughts, quirky phrases, grandiose dreams.

Sometimes, inspiration strikes in unexpected ways – it can be an observation made about a situation, or someone uttering a few words that lead to a creative thought, or sometimes just walking on your own leads to great creativity.  In fact, making time for oneself to just think is one of the best ways to find inspiration.

And to get the most out of it, once you find that inspiration, act on it!

Next tip: go to bed early!

10 Tips to Beat the Winter Blues: Tip Number Five

RECONNECT WITH A LOVED ONE

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Recently I was inspired to share 10 tips on how our surroundings might help improve our mood and outlook.  To read more about what inspired me, see my post on LinkedIn Pulse HERE.

My FIRST TIP was about losing your mind in the present.  My SECOND was about letting someone else guide you for a day.  My THIRD ONE encourages you to try something new or something that you haven’t done for a long time, and the FOURTH TIP is about greeting someone you don’t know.

Today’s tip is reconnecting with a loved one.

If you’re anything like me, your life is so busy with work and family that it’s easy to forget you have a partner or children that need more than logistical commands and instructions once in a while.   It’s easy to take certain people for granted and sometimes they may not get the attention and treatment that they deserve.

If you can relate, I recommend making it part of your plan over the holidays to set aside some time for your loved ones.  This could be in the form of a dinner date with your partner, or a night away together.  It could be going to the cinema with one of your children and chat afterwards about the film.  You could take the kids swimming or bowling or simply to their favourite haunt or restaurant, taking the time to engage them in conversation.

Find out from your loved one what has been on their mind recently – school, work, their parents or siblings. How are their dance classes coming along, or who is the most popular kid in class.  What’s the work situation with your partner – who has been supportive and who hasn’t.  Of course you have these conversations daily or, at least, regularly.  But do you actually listen to their replies and engage with them?  If you’re like me, you’ll be guilty of at least once in a while not being as attentive to them as we should be.

So if you can, take the time for that someone who loves you and remind yourself of how and why you loved them in the first place.

Next tip: Find Inspiration.