Voice At The Table

By Rina Goldenberg Lynch

• A senior woman: My boss told me that my next hire should be a woman. I told him that for me it’s all about the best credentials for the role. Now that I have been to your workshop I realise it’s both; a woman who has the requisite skills will also offer a more diverse approach and perspective to a mostly male team.  I see now that this is an additional skill that I hadn’t appreciated before.  So now I will be looking out for a woman to join our male-dominated team.

• A woman of Indian background: I have now realised that in my circles, diversity is seen quite narrowly and that, in most circumstances, I was ‘it’.  I now know that diversity is much broader than an ethnic background; it’s also about gender, age, educational background and so on.  I see now that others who may not seem ‘diverse’ might very well feel they too are from an underrepresented group.  So I will now put more effort into better understanding others and being more inclusive.

• A male board member: We had this tension about whether to have more diversity on the board, with wide ranging views of what that might look like. The conversation was about representation, as our membership is 80% male and 90% white, some of us thought we were already representative. Now we realise that, in order for us to take good decisions for all our members it’s not just about representing them proportionally but about bringing in diverse thinking, bringing in people with a range of experiences and backgrounds, not just people with finance or legal background, like all of us currently have.

• An HR Leader: We thought our progression processes had a clear, transparent structure, but now we see that was the case at the junior levels only.  At more senior levels the process is much more discretionary. Considering the biases we human beings have – and that we have just realised we have all experienced – that means it’s not as fair and objective as it could be. We are not the meritocracy we always thought we are.  It’s no wonder our gender pay gap isn’t reducing.  We need to have a meeting to get all those actions in place!

• A senior male manager of a mainly male engineering project team:  I like working with women and I do try to hire them into our teams, but I was convinced that our specific roles are not attractive to women.  They are demanding and require quite a sacrifice – and that’s difficult when you’re responsible for your children as a mother.  So naturally I understood that women didn’t want to apply.  But what I realised in your workshop is that my assumption about women was no longer current or true.  Lots of women and men share responsibilities for their children and lots of women do want to work on our demanding projects, with the travel requirements and longer days.  We now realise that the reason they aren’t applying is not that they don’t want to, it’s that we are not doing enough to attract them.  This has changed my view on what I need to do next.

By Jayne Constantinis

By Inge Woudstra

Last week we talked about how words matter, and even more so for leaders . We explained that, when it comes to knowing what words to use, developing a better understanding of bias is more helpful than trying to keep up with the latest in correct terminology.

In our workshops with leaders, we often find that using certain terminology and concepts, makes our bias-related conversations more tangible. The words and concepts we share are often expressions – often new to them – that provide clarity for how words or behaviours can impact others.

As these words helps us progress our diversity and inclusion conversations, I would like to share some of them here.

Othering

Othering describes a process by which a group of people is deemed fundamentally different, usually also inferior.  It’s about creating an us and them.

As an immigrant to the UK, I have experienced othering when someone says ‘Well, you wouldn’t understand as you aren’t British’.  It instantly excludes me from the conversation and makes me feel lonely and unheard.

When we want to be inclusive it’s important to think about the words we use and try and avoid ‘us vs. them’ language.

Code switching

When faced with bias and discrimination, people may feel obligated to code-switch.  This happens when people change the way they appear, express themselves or behave in the workplace in order to connect with colleagues. Everyone does this to a certain extent, but some groups have to do it more than others. This suppression of one’s identity can come at the cost of authenticity and self-confidence, and thus, decreases a sense of belonging in a work environment.

Recently in a workshop someone gave the example of a gay colleague who, at his previous workplace, felt he had to be careful to behave like others to be accepted. At his new workplace people were encouraged to be authentic and he began to express himself more freely.  As a result, the colleague noticed how this man had become much more productive and engaged.

When we want to encourage people to be themselves at work it’s important to choose words and actions carefully. For instance using non-judgemental language.

Emotional tax

When people spend time and energy on fitting in and worry that they might otherwise not be valued, they often describe this constant additional effort as tiring.  They say that it often has an impact on their health and mental well-being and, naturally, their ability to thrive at work. This is called Emotional Tax.

An example of this is the time and effort a person has to spend trying to avoid mentioning their same sex partner out of fear of being ‘outed’.

When we mention this concept, it often helps people understand that making an effort to choose a word like ‘partner’ over ‘wife’ really can make a huge difference to someone else.

Motherhood penalty, fatherhood bonus

Research across countries finds that, broadly speaking, when a man becomes a father, this results in a wage bonus; for most women, motherhood results in a wage penalty.

Interestingly, the fatherhood “bonus” is not equal across the income distribution; in fact it is much greater for men at the top. This suggests that “Fatherhood is a valued characteristic of employers, signalling perhaps greater work commitment, stability, and deservingness.”

Many women tells us that they downplay having to leave work to pick up children or avoid photos of their children around the office, in order to avoid being seen as ‘mumsy’ and therefore less focussed or committed.

There’s a great ‘nudge’ to change the narrative around working parents by turning the fatherhood bonus into a ‘breadwinner bonus’. Labelling the person bringing in family income as a breadwinner takes away the traditional notion that it is the father who is tasked with the responsibility to earn.

There are many other words that help us understand some of our behaviours, including groupthink, halo/horn effect and more.  Unlike terms describing shifts in society – like the use of different pronouns, for instance – these terms explain some of the impact of unconscious bias.  The more familiar we become with them, the more likely are we to understand the impact of our assumptions and behaviours and, as a result, better able to choose more suitable wording.

Do get in touch if you would like help with making inclusion more tangible and turn a commitment to inclusion into action.

By Rina Goldbenberg Lynch

We know words matter – wherever we communicate: in meetings, at a conference, one-to-one, on our website, in a brochure, even on email.

Words can convey our hidden assumptions and inclinations towards one thing or another.  They can have the opposite effect of their intended use.  They can covertly welcome one group of people while making it clear that those who don’t belong are excluded.

As a leader, what we say is magnified 10-fold.  In the words of Simon Sinek, when we speak as a leader, a whisper becomes a shout.  What we say has a greater impact than what more junior colleagues may say.  Just think of the many times politicians, famous athletes and other role models got into hot water over the underlying meaning of their words.

Example of imprudent use of language
You may recall the ‘blunder’ that cost Bill Michael – Chairman of KPMG UK at the time – his job last year when he managed not only to offend most of his staff but also to discredit the D&I agenda by saying “There’s no such thing as unconscious bias.  I don’t buy it.”

This is an extreme example of misuse of words, but it does make the point very nicely: leaders – more than others – really do need to about what they’re saying.  The impact of the words they use reverberates well beyond their reach, heavily scrutinised for hidden and stated intent.  Although what Bill Michael may actually have meant is that people need to be more conscious about their biases (as his follow-up statement “Unless you care, you actually won’t change” suggests), the words he used had the greater impact.

Where to start
Perhaps surprisingly, to be more careful about use of language, leaders should focus on their unconscious bias.  The best way to minimise high-stake missteps is not by worrying about the words one uses, but by uncovering one’s biases.  This self-awareness makes it much more likely that leaders will better understand the impact of their words and therefore be more careful about the words they choose.

Given the weight people attach to the words of leaders, we like to start our D&I work at the leadership level.  But not by telling leaders what to say and how to say it – we leave that to their in-house communications teams.  We help them understand the many common assumptions we all hold.  Once these assumptions are revealed – and often proven wrong – we begin the journey towards uncovering latent personal biases.  A better understanding of those biases ensures a more careful use of language.

Tough lesson to learn
A few weeks ago, for instance, we helped a senior leader face his own preconceived notions about what women want and don’t want when it comes to making career choices.  It wasn’t until he said out loud what he always took for granted (in this case it was  the ‘fact’ that women always want to be their children’s primary carers) that we and his colleagues were able to address the assumption and very quickly dismantle it.  (Mind you, this could have happened to anyone’s who’s assumptions have not kept up with the pace of change – so no hard feelings there!)

The beauty of this is that the assumption and the potentially alienating words were uttered in a safe environment in which tough lessons like this ought to be learned.  The workshop environment we created provided a space where leaders felt safe to practice.  This senior leader, therefore, had the benefit of dedicated thinking time on this very important topic and thus significantly reduced the chances of a potentially embarrassing outburst.  Others who might not take the time to go through a similar exercise risk their biases being exposed in a more consequential manner.

By Rina Goldenberg Lynch

Last week, we told you that vulnerability is good for our  mental health. Following on from this, we decided to share some tips on how to be more humble and vulnerable in the workplace.  Follow these 7 tips and you will be well on your way to creating an environment that will benefit you and your entire team.

1. Become aware of your personal strengths and weaknesses. An exercise in self-reflection will make it easier to understand what we’re good at.  More importantly, it will help us understand where we might need the help of others.  Recognising one’s own weaknesses and having the courage to admit to them allows us to surround ourselves with people who can compensate for those weaknesses, creating a team based on individual strengths.

2. Accept that some ambiguity and uncertainty is inevitable.  The more senior we become – and the more we take on responsibility for others – the more difficult it becomes to admit that we’re not always in control.  But that’s exactly what we need to do.  By openly accepting that we don’t have all the answers, we come across as confident and mature.  This also clears the stage for others and allows them to contribute.  Admitting openly that uncertainty is par for the course, we are more likely to get the most from others as they too strive to diminish the impact of our unpredictable world.  Whatever happens, the team knows that it will take everyone pulling together to solve issues, thereby strengthening team spirit and collaboration.

3. Treat everyone with respect. This goes beyond being polite and kind.  This means also acknowledging that, while people’s views might be different from our own, they do have a right to their opinion. This also means recognising that as humans we are prone to making mistakes, and accepting that people deserve our respect when they make a mistake.  When we are able to respect those who make mistakes, we increase their capacity to learn from their own mistakes and decrease the probability of more mistakes being made.

4. Keep learning.  Being humble is also about accepting that there is always more to learn.  No matter how clever, experienced or expert we become, we can always learn from others.  Showing others that we see them as an opportunity to learn something new ensures that they share more openly, thereby increasing their contribution to us and the rest of the team.

5. Be human. A big part of being openly vulnerable is about having the courage to bring our whole self to work, to admit we’re human and therefore fallible.   But being vulnerable doesn’t mean we need to wear it on our sleeve.  It doesn’t mean we should overshare.  It just means that we can have the courage to let others know what and how we’re feeling or thinking in the moment, despite any pressure to hide it.

6. Let others learn from your failures. Recognising that failures have as much (if not more) to teach us as successes, a humble and vulnerable person will let others in so they can observe when things don’t go quite as planned and absorb how we deal with that.

7. Suspend your own belief.  The most important part of being humble and vulnerable is allowing oneself to temporarily suspend our beliefs in order to learn more and to engage with another.  Being curious about another perspective is more important than holding on to our own.  We already know what our perspective is and what it is based on – there’s nothing new we can learn from that.  But if we approach a different perspective with an open and curious mind, we might very well learn something new.  That is the true beauty of diversity.

So there you have it.  You might already do some of these things, but may need to get better at some of the others.  My promise to you is that, if you do all of those things regularly, you will be well ahead of most in benefiting from your team’s diversity of thought.